The Freak Out Stage
The final draft of my book is due on April 19th and I'm feeling all the feelings.
I’m at the terrifying part of the book writing process where I can no longer deny that my book will be out in the world someday. I spent the last year plus telling myself that some shoe or another would drop and my book wouldn’t actually get published. That’s right – I sucked the joy out of the good news that I sold my book and let my inner critic assure me that the universe would put a big boulder in the way of my dream.
But now, my editor and I agreed on a firm deadline and on April 19th, I will turn in my final draft. I hired a fact checker this week. My beta readers are reading my manuscript. I’m speaking to publicists. It doesn’t get more real than this.
Until the next stage when I’m holding my book in my hands.
Now comes the part I’m calling “the freak out.” I’m questioning every story I included. I’m having imaginary conversations in my head with every person who I’ve written about in the book (BTW, they’re all mad at me). I’m wondering if any of the writing is any good even though my editor told me it was.
Basically, all the things I told myself would happen as soon as my book was sold haven’t happened. I didn’t suddenly feel like “a writer.” Any validation I got from having a publisher’s stamp of approval only took me so far. I still look at my writing and wonder if it’s any good. I still want the ground to swallow me up or to hide under my covers when I imagine anyone reading my book.
I’m still *me.*
Whoever tells you that someday all your fears will go away is a liar. Your fears stick around and you just need to put one foot in front of the other anyway.
I don’t have any secrets about how to write a book. The only tried and true way to write a book (or anything for that matter) is to sit down at your desk and do it.
Nothing’s ever easy. There are no magic wands. But there are magic moments - and you must celebrate all of them. April 19th when I turn in my draft I will celebrate. I hope you celebrate too. Your first chapter. Your first essay. Your first draft (yes, even the shitty one!)
XO,
Ruthie
The most beautiful bowl for all your picnic – and anytime - needs. @chell_fish_nyc
I ate the breakfast burrito at Ursula because Hannah Goldfield told me to - and it was worth the walk and the wait. @ursula_brooklyn @hannahgoldfield
The chocolate that spells love. Deux Cranes
Garden clogs for the win. @thegardenheir
Because despite this week’s weather in NYC, it’s going to rain again. @stutterheim
Delight can be found in dark things. @guerrerowords
Mr. Boddington’s Studio is to stationary what Clare V. is to handbags. @mrboddington
I can’t believe I missed this show at the Whitney Museum. @whitneymuseum @ruthasawaofficial
My writing pants: soft pants that still look good. @donni
For those date nights when you want to make out and eat cake. @dynaco_bar @ediblemanhattan
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Writers need to pitch editors to get their work noticed, but the skills needed to pitch an essay or article are vastly different than those needed to write one. In this class you'll have the exclusive opportunity to talk with editors from major outlets about what works and what doesn't when it comes to pitching. Our all-star panel will include: Denne Michele Norris, editor in chief of Electric Literature; Noah Michelson head of Huffington Post Personal, Christina Amoroso Editorial Director of Bustle; and Patia Braithwaite, senior staff editor at The New York Times Well. Monday, May 6th, 3:30-5pm ET.
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