Why My IVF Story Feels More Important Now Than Ever Before
The personal IS political.
I’ve been writing about my IVF journey in outlets like Vogue and The New York Times for a few years, highlighting my personal experiences and sharing what the process looked like for me and my family. This year, with the election looming, it’s so clear that the personal IS political. These articles ring with a new relevance as (mostly male) politicians state in no uncertain terms their plans to restrict vital healthcare and family planning options.
IVF made it possible for me to have a daughter. Now, it looks like (with the overturning of Roe v. Wade and the onslaught of restrictive laws that followed) the five remaining embryos from that process could become a liability we never could have anticipated. I wrote an article about that for The New York Times, hoping that, as many women do, sharing my personal fears would make a difference, helping those who have never experienced the IVF process to understand.
My embryos are stored in Pennsylvania, a state that has broad personhood laws that could potentially grant frozen embryos the rights of a person. I don’t want to discard these frozen sacks of cells, but I don’t want to use them either. I’m stuck in this limbo, where the embryos have become my talismans, my assurance that nothing can happen to my four-year-old Clementine—which in turn means that discarding them could invite doom.
And it's not just me or people in the same situation as mine. Families or individuals may not be able to access IVF or other reproductive technologies that could allow them to have a child. Women will suffer unnecessarily while trying to get basic healthcare like an abortion.
As the Center for Reproductive Rights says, “Bodily autonomy should be a basic legal right. Not a geographic privilege.”
It’s more important to vote than ever. It’s not just reproductive rights that’s on the ballot this November. It’s how we define – and model – what it means to be a woman, and a human, in this country.
We are being told that being pro-family means having biological children. We are being told that having children is the only way for women to find fulfillment. The idea of what it means to have a good life, to be self-actualized, is up for grabs. And I don’t know about you, but I want to decide for myself what I value in my life. Having kids is a great option. Not having kids is an equally great option. There are as many narratives for what a good life looks like as there are people.
Here are some other resources to learn more and support:
And a fun t-shirt from Mother Tongue
My two-hour workshop, How to Write About Your Life Without Blowing It Up, will take place Monday, October 28 from 3-5pm ET. This quick and dirty class is only $99, and includes readings and exercises, a lesson from me, and access to our Ignite Writers Collective community. Join me!
Sign up for my Six Week Kickstarter that starts Tuesday, 10/29 – a perfect place to dive back into a writing project or start a new one. You’ll generate work using my tried and true exercises and prompts and it’s the perfect antidote to writer’s block.
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