All Aboard the Book Writing Rollercoaster

This summer I wrote about the book writing purgatory I found myself in when I couldn’t write myself out of chapter nine of my memoir, The Mother Code. That was the moment I messaged my editor and said something like, “I hate to tell you this, but you bought my book and I have no idea what the book is about.” I thought I knew. I had momentum out of the gate, stored up words and ideas that got me to chapter nine with confidence and assurance that I was on the right path. But that all came to a screeching halt when I realized: the hypothesis I began writing with had drifted into something else. Now I had no idea what I was really trying to say anymore. And if I didn’t know what I was trying to say and why it was important, why should anyone else read my book?

I couldn’t think my way out. I couldn’t talk myself out either. I considered scrapping my draft that I thought was brilliant only weeks before and writing everything that had happened in chronological order instead. I considered that I was trying to write three or four books instead of one. I considered that maybe my book should be a memoir in essays instead of a memoir, even though the distinction between the two isn’t always clear to me. I considered that I got myself in over my head and now I’d have to pay back my advance even though I’d already spent it.

author

Ruthie Ackerman on Instagram: “Hello from Chapter 9... Middles are hard (and if I’m to be honest, I’m not entirely sure this IS the middle of my book). I even have a course devoted to how to tackle the messy middle of your book when everything you’ve built up in your plot has to collide and you must carry the reader from the exciting beginning to a satisfactory ending without losing their interest. Mentally, it’s a challenging hurdle for a writer. And now that I’m working through the ninth chapter of my book, I feel a little lost and confused. I’m questioning the entire structure and flow of my outline and everything I’ve written so far. The doubt seeps in and my brain becomes more frantic, less assured. I’ve spoken with many writers I admire and it doesn’t sound like a process that gets easier each time you publish. It’s the trenches. Or the dark tunnel, as I like to call it. Writing is a solitary pursuit, but I’ve found that the best medicine at times like these is connecting with my writing community. I talk to my editors, my students, my writer friends, and even read some of my favorite writer until my path forward becomes clearer. #writing #writingcommunity #writingtips #wtitinginspiration”

January 29, 2024

And then one day I woke up and decided to keep writing. I would leave chapter nine alone and begin with chapter 10. I would put one foot in front of the other (or maybe it’s one word in front of the other?) until words filled my pages again. I had a lot to say in chapter 10. I loved chapter 10. And from there flowed chapter 11 and 12 and so on until I felt like I wasn’t writing, but floating on clouds. I wrote myself all the way into chapter 25 without looking back. Whenever anyone asked about my book I told them the truth: it was going swimmingly. I’d gone back to my roadmap, got a sense of the direction the book needed to go in, and kept on typing.

Eventually, I did have to go back to chapter 9, but when I did the speed bumps I’d originally hit seemed like ant hills. I brought fresh energy. It seemed like a light was shining where there was once only darkness. My confidence, my sense that if I just kept going I’d write my way into the answers, lasted me through the fall and into the new year. I’ve always loved Rilke’s line in Letters to a Young Poet where he says, “Live the questions.” My mantra had always been, “Write the questions” and that’s what I spent the last four months doing.

I texted my friends and emailed my editor and told anyone and everyone who would listen that I was about to finish my first full draft of my book. I heard encouraging words like: “Congratulations!” “Wow, you did it!”  “You must be so proud!”

And then I geared myself up for the revision process.

But once I sat down to revise something stopped me in my tracks. I opened up my document, the full draft I spent the last year working on. I had my hot cup of coffee next to me. I lit my candle. I sprayed my sage and lavender room mist over my work area. I looked out my window and took a deep breath. And then I read the first half a page and thought: this SUCKS. There's a ton of connective tissue that's missing. There's things the reader needs to know that they don't know yet to make critical moments in the book even more powerful. I became overwhelmed by just how shitty my shitty first draft was even though I told myself the draft could be shitty so I could get it done. 

I emailed a writer friend: “Is it normal at this point in the process to think everything you wrote is terrible? Do writers need to believe their books are good to get through the writing of the first draft only to go back and think, ‘what is this shit?’ Should I just send it onto my editor as-is and see what she says?”

Welcome to the rollercoaster.

One day I was ready to give back my book advance and the next I was convinced my book was going to be a bestseller and a few months later I was ready to rip up the entire thing because it made me cringe. 

A recent newsletter from the amazing

Courtney Maum

dives into her novel revision process. There are so many gems in there, but the one that stuck out to me (and of course novel revising is different than memoir revising) was that she used a red highlighter for sections that she deemed shitty and a yellow highlighter for those she felt had a continuity or research issue. I knew this already - I tell this to my clients for god's sake! - but I needed the reminder that just because your writing isn’t perfect as soon as it lands on the page doesn’t mean it’s headed for the trash heap. 

The moral of the story: keep going. I have to keep revising just like I had to keep writing. I texted my editor reminding her that I was sending her my manuscript soon even though I had a burn in my throat when I thought about hitting send on my draft. Gulp, what if she didn’t like it?! 

Dear Reader, I sent it anyway.

But writing a book – writing anything for publication, really – is a team process. Before my book goes out into the world my editor will wrestle with it. A few trusted readers will too. There will be a fact checker. A copy editor. I won’t be alone, no matter what it feels like as I push and prod my way through the dark tunnel of writing.

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Ruthie Ackerman on Instagram: ”*Celebratory post alert* I turned in a full draft of The Mother Code to my editor @jamiaawilson on Saturday and I’ve been feeling excited + terrified + some sort of weird vertigo feeling that’s somewhere between physical and psychological. The ground shifting beneath my feet could be the eternal writer’s question reverberating throughout my body: what will I do with myself now? Or it could be that feeling when you follow an uncertain path and finally see the light. Not that there isn’t a forest of unknowns ahead of me — and, of course, a months-long revision process. But I am trying to immerse myself in the joy of the moment, the accomplishment, the feeling of “you did it!” before heading back to the hamster wheel of self-doubt and criticism that lurks just beneath the surface every damn day. And then there’s this sign I walked by five years ago that seems prophetic now: In a Society That Profits From Your Self Doubt, Liking Yourself is a Rebellious Act. And I’d add: writing is too.
XO #bookpublishing #awriterslife #writersofinstagram #memoirwriting”

January 29, 2024

• Ruthie’s write your own Modern Love essay class

• Film Forum Membership 

• QC NY Spa Gift Card  

• Monogrammed stationery from Papier 

•  Fine & Raw chocolates (local BK!)

•  Bushwick Tea gift set (local BK!)

• Beautiful hardcover Pride & Prejudice

• Areaware desk set

• Papier Tigre pocket notebook

• Hightide bullet ballpoint pen

• Ember mug

• Karen Walker sunglasses

• Anna Sheffield protection talisman

• Eberjey pajamas

• Thompson Street Studio tablecloth

Upcoming Courses

How to Write Your Modern Love Essay from someone who wrote her own (one day)

No happy endings here. In honor of Valentine’s Day I am offering a course on how to spin all kinds of love stories (platonic, parental, romantic, etc…) into a piece that fits the Modern Love mold.

Outlining Class (one day)

Your outline serves as the skeleton of your book. Without it, there is no roadmap, and nothing to turn to when you hit inevitable roadblocks. This two hour class will provide you with the template you need to take your story to the next level by providing you with actionable instruction on what to include in your outline and why.

Getting A Book Deal (four weeks)

This four-week crash course is your chance to get in front of one of the buzziest book agents in the business, and hear about what the marketplace is looking for. You will also walk away with insider tips on everything from how to write a query letter that will get you noticed to how to decide whether to go with an indie or Big 5 publisher (or to self-publish) to how write an elevator pitch that distills your book idea into a digestible concept that sells.

I also have a number of other four-six week workshops to choose from in 2024 if you are looking for a bigger commitment.

P.S. What are your burning questions that you've always wanted to ask a book agent? I’m planning an AMA soon with an agent, and would love to answer as many as possible! Leave questions in the comments section.