17 ESSENTIAL Reads About Motherhood

My abridged "Mother Code Canon".

I was asked to share my “Mother Code Canon” of books that informed my own memoir and, more broadly, my way of thinking about mothering and the institution of motherhood.

The full list would be fearfully long, so I narrowed it down to 17 books that have been the most influential to me. They range from research-based, non-fiction to Sylvia Plath’s iconic The Bell Jar (if you read this book in college, this is your sign to revisit it!).

You can browse the list on my Bookshop.org profile here (Full Disclosure: if you make a purchase I receive a small kickback from their affiliate program). And read on to learn more about each book and why it merits a spot on this list.

Without further ado and in no particular order, here are the 17 books I consider to be my essential “Mother Code Canon,” with links to shop on my Bookshop.org account (which supports me and local bookstores!):

1. The Genetic Lottery: Why DNA Matters for Social Equality by Kathryn Paige Harden

Having a child is a crapshoot—there is no certainty despite all of the testing and technology that helps us feel more in control of the process. In fact, the chances that you became YOU are one in 70 trillion. That’s trillion with a T. And yet, we reassure ourselves that by understanding where we came from will help us determine who our children will be.

2. We Live for the We: The Political Power of Black Motherhood by Dani McClain

While acknowledging the many unique struggles Black mothers face today, McClain provides a handbook for how to raise hopeful, resilient children and still maintain our own healthy skepticism of authority.

3. Monsters: A Fan’s Dilemma by Claire Dederer

Dederer spends most of this gorgeous book unpacking the monstrous acts of male artists and how one should (could?) go about squaring their behavior with their art. And then folded deep into the book is a chapter on monstrous women that will make you think about why abandoning one’s children is one of the most damning things a woman can do.

4. The Unspeakable by Meghan Daum

Across ten personal essays, Daum tackles the challenges of modern life with wit. She writes about deciding not to have children alongside the other “big questions” of our era.

5. Of Woman Born: Motherhood as Experience and Institution by Adrienne Rich

Rich wrote this book in 1976 and it still rings just as true in 2025.

6. Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny by Kate Manne

Manne is a philosophy professor who lends her brilliant mind to the topic of pervasive misogyny in our culture—where it comes from, why it’s weaponized, and what language to look out for.

7. Like a Mother: A Feminist Journey Through the Science and Culture of Pregnancy by Angela Garbes

An incredibly thoughtful, personal, and well-researched look at pregnancy. Garbes demystifies the experience for mothers and non-mothers alike—this book is vital.

8. Belabored: A Vindication of the Rights of Pregnant Women by Lyz Lenz

Women who have already gone through pregnancy know much of what Lenz deftly describes in the book. But everyone should read this book to better understand the ways that pregnant women are demeaned and disenfranchised. It will make you laugh, cry, and seethe with anger!

9. The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap by Stephanie Coontz

The PERFECT antidote to all the “Make America Great Again” nonsense. Who was America ever great for? This wonderfully-researched book reminds us that beneath the Leave It to Beaver veneer, our society has always been deeply flawed.

10. Momfluenced: Inside the Maddening, Picture-Perfect World of Mommy Influencer Culture by Sara Petersen

If you’ve ever watched an Instagram reel of a mom in spotless head-to-toe Doen with a baby on her hip making buttermilk biscuits from scratch and thought, “this can’t be the same motherhood I’m experiencing,” this book is for you!

11. The Dialectic of Sex: The Case for a Feminist Revolution by Shulamith Firestone

Firestone was only 25-years-old in 1970 when she published this book of radical feminist theory. Our current time calls for a radical rethinking of politics—let this book be a starting place.

12. The Fifth Child by Doris Lessing

I LOVE THIS BOOK. It’s also on my 10/10 Perfect Books list. A gothic horror story about birthing an “unlovable” child and the moral angst that follows.

13. Motherhood by Sheila Heti

The rare novel on this list! Heti’s autofiction masterpiece discusses maternal ambivalence and will resonate with anyone who’s ever struggled to feel like they are making the “right” choice about becoming a mother—or anything really.

14. Touched Out: Motherhood, Misogyny, Consent, and Control by Amanda Montei

Part memoir, part cultural criticism, Montei’s book finds profound connections between the larger misogyny of our culture and the experience of becoming a mother.

15. The Gene: An Intimate History by Siddhartha Mukherjee

If you’re anything like me and you want to understand deep science-y things like genetics and epigenetics, but you need it spoon fed to you in a compelling narrative that reads like a can’t-put-down story, this book is for you.

16. Revolutionary Mothering by Alexis Pauline Gumbs

Halfway through writing my book the question I asked myself changed. Instead of “do you want a child?” I wondered “is there a way for having a child to be a radical act?” That inquiry led me to Gumbs’ gorgeous anthology that delves into how Black, Brown and Queer communities have always needed to create alternative shapes to motherhood. Here were the role models for motherhood I’d been looking for all along.

17. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

All I’m going to say is THE FIGS. The fig analogy is now even a thing on TikTok. How did a novel Plath wrote in 1963 come to resonate so widely with contemporary women? You’ll just have to read it to find out.

I would absolutely LOVE to hear what your favorite books on mothering and motherhood are. Please share your thoughts in the comments and we can expand this canon together.

xo,

Ruthie